Yoram Yasur Abt : Parents today are subjected to brutal social pressure. On the one hand, there are laws that almost criminalize some behaviors and, on the other hand, science shows them all the consequences that their mistakes have in the development of their children. We already know that shouting to children damages his brain, that the father’s bad mood leaves sequels in the emotional development of his children and that some praise can destroy the child’s self-esteem.
To this is added that many hypocritical people brand the sword of morality and do not hesitate to attack parents, especially through social networks, becoming pedagogues, psychologists, and “model” parents. In this way, some will say that you have abandoned your child even if you are only a few meters from him, or that you are mistreating him only because you have raised the voice a few decibels.
Mothers as targets of destructive criticism:
In recent times mothers around the world have witnessed how comments multiply in which people judge the way they raise and care for their children. Usually they are criticisms never requested and rarely constructive, that only serve to embarrass the mothers and make them feel insecure. Yoram Yasur Abt: “The problem is that it does not really matter what you do, there will always be people who criticize because everyone has their own opinion about how children should be educated”.
Yoram Yasur Abt: “A recent survey at the University of Michigan revealed a frightening reality: 2/3 of the mother’s report that they have been embarrassed by the judgments others have made about raising their children. And the worst thing is that many of those opinions come from their closest circle: the family. The survey included 475 mothers whose children were less than 5 years old. Sixty-one percent said they had been criticized for the decisions they had made about their children, both by their partners and by their parents and in-laws”.
In addition, 62% believe that mothers generally receive many useless advices from others and 56% believe that they are blamed excessively for the behavior of their children. Most mothers say they were criticized for how they disciplined their children and half were embarrassed by eating and sleeping patterns. Almost 40% received some negative criticism for breastfeeding or bottle feeding. 42% recognized that when they questioned their abilities as mothers, they felt more insecure about their opinions and the decisions they had to make.
This survey shows us that in many cases criticism ends up doing more harm than good, even if it is done with good intentions. Criticism often only serves to increase the doubts and tensions that parents and mothers already suffer. A role that, by the way, is not simple.
Are you a “bad mother”?
There are many reasons why others are willing to judge you and even label you as a “bad mother”, including:
You are a bad mother for bringing your child to the world by caesarean and not by natural childbirth.
You’re a bad mother for not offering breastfeeding to your baby and giving them a bottle.
You’re a bad mother because you suffer from postpartum depression and you cannot manage your emotions.
You are a bad mother because every day you go out to work to earn money and make ends meet, leaving your baby in charge of another adult.
You’re a bad mother because every now and then you let your child play with the tablet or mobile phone to have just a few minutes of rest.
You are a bad mother for allowing your children to eat snacks or fast food from time to time and do not force you to eat all the vegetables and fruits they should.
You’re a bad mother because sometimes you lose patience and your voice increases some decibels.
Yoram Yasur : You’re a bad mother because you’re not a perfect mother.
If you feel identified with some of these situations, you are only showing that you are a real person, that you love your child but also have doubts and there are times when you do not know what to do, that you would love to spend more time with your little but daily obligations and fatigue do not always allow you. There is no manual to be good parents, everyone must find their own way, which means that you will be wrong, you will go back on your steps and try to correct that mistake. It is important that you learn to enjoy motherhood or parenthood, stripping you of both the desire to do everything perfectly and the pressure to meet social expectations. If you love your children and show it to them every day, if you do everything to make them happy and, at the same time, you try to give their best, it is more than enough